A young family member is following the life path of a parent. It is a learned behavior of helplessness, dependence and failure. A very sad reality that reflects the inability to manage one own's life.
The learned behavior is borrowing large sums of money which will never be repaid.
The potential to ask to move in "until they can get back on their feet".
A relative did both of the above for many years. The amount of money "loaned" was ridiculously high and I will never be repaid. The relative moved in and left my place in a state of disrepair. There was a sad image of laziness, greed and disrespect.
Let me provide some background details...
Some years ago, this young adult was working and living with mother. Things were going well. Then mom lost her job and daughter promptly moved out of the city, leaving her mother stranded (and dependent on me). So, that is when the mother had to move in with me. There is more... but I'll stop there.
About one year later, I maneuvered for this person to move in with her father. She did not help him, ran up bills and started bringing her thug boyfriend into her father's home against his permission. The father did the right thing and kicked her out after repeat warnings. When she moved out, she left the father's place in a filthy mess. So, of course she cannot go back there.
Now this young relative has approached me to help her... yes the same one who has horribly disrespected her mom and dad. How does one handle this horrible situation? I thought about this for 24 hours. I have come up with the solution.
It is important to be compassionate. Help can be given in many ways. Remember, the person made bad decisions that led to this point in time.
1. I am going to "loan" the money. I probably will never get repaid.
But, remember, sometimes you have to look at a loan as a way to "pay-off" a person from ever approaching again. But, there will be promissory letters signed. I just completed the letter.
2. This person is NOT going to move into my home.
The mom left my place dilapidated and the young adult disrespected her dad's rules when she stayed with him. So, that pattern is established. What could I expect???
3. I am providing life directions.
Yesterday, I drove to some housing units and picked up applications for special housings. Office managers were very helpful.
I spent about 3 hours with online searches for women's shelters. This is a challenge as women have to be protected and this information is not published.
I went to Kinko's last night to photocopy documents I prepared.
I just finished a full life pack to discuss and give her.
In conclusion, I have had enough! No more loans and no moving into my home. I have done enough! However, I am compassionate. I spent all day, evening and night preparing life instructions. Hopefully this will be the directions in life that will be received.
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