I have been at my new job for a little over 6 months.  I NEVER visit anyone in the office.  I work nonstop from the time I arrive until its time to leave.  I am not anti-social, but I have a lot of work to accomplish.

I have no idea, why one co-worker has latched on to me with constant complaints about HIS work! This has been going on for 3 months!  This person spends a LONG amount of time complaining.  He even has the nerve to close MY door to complain like a woman!  This is inappropriate!

Listen folks, when things get tough at work, stop the bitching and do the work.

If you spend time in my office complaining, you cannot get YOUR work done and you are interfering with me doing MY work.

This is just common sense.  Folks, you do not need a sounding board.  Just stop the complaining and do your work.

Complaining actually takes a person away from working.  SHUT THE FUCK UP, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE AND GO DO SOME WORK!

Why does this nonsense happen to me?????

Day After Directional Advice

I slept good last night.  I am glad to have had the opportunity to think and plan out this crucial moment in life.  It is important to go slow, be careful of spoken words because they can never be taken back.  It is not good to have to regret saying something during a stressful time.

The young relative came by last night.  I gave the loan, fixed her a drink and took her on a tour of my place.  I pointed out the grease stains on my kitchen wall, the totally destroyed back room closet, the filthy dining room carpet and the 2 broken dining room chairs.....all in lousy condition as destroyed by her mother/my sister.  Hence, this is the reason why no one will move in with me.  Her mother destroyed my home during the time she stayed here.  This was one of the reasons I told her, that she would never be able to move in with me.  I will not allow it.

I then had her review a special packet of information I prepared, assembled and copied the day before. It was good information on women's shelters.  I went through this page by page.

I then, packed a nice dinner of fried perch and chicken/veggie rice for her to take home.

I drove her to 3 SRO's that she needs to investigate.  The applications and contact information was in the pack I prepared.

Amazing, during the chat, she seemed to understand and seemed receptive to all information.  I clarified that I am retired, working part time for now and cannot allow relatives to depend on me.  This is a new day.  Everything said was passionate.  I even gave her instructions on how to make initial contact in seeking a shelter.  I will even take care of her cat.

I also warned her to be careful of her mother.  My sister will be likely to ask the nursing home to find her a place.  With that, she will move her daughter in.  My sister cannot take care of herself.  My niece abandoned her in her darkest days.  I will not step in.  So, I advised her do not allow this to happen.

My final point is not only as older adults, we cannot allow younger family folks to use us.  But, we have to be compassionate, provide them with information and details that they may never had considered.  No need for "I told ya so" or to berate a person when they are down.  Give the directions and remain prayerful.

Directives with Compassion

A young family member is following the life path of a parent.  It is a learned behavior of helplessness, dependence and failure.  A very sad reality that reflects the inability to manage one own's life.

The learned behavior is borrowing large sums of money which will never be repaid.
The potential to ask to move in "until they can get back on their feet".

A relative did both of the above for many years.  The amount of money "loaned" was ridiculously high and I will never be repaid. The relative moved in and left my place in a state of disrepair.  There was a sad image of laziness, greed and disrespect.

Let me provide some background details...

Some years ago, this young adult was working and living with mother.  Things were going well.  Then mom lost her job and daughter promptly moved out of the city, leaving her mother stranded (and dependent on me). So, that is when the mother had to move in with me.  There is more... but I'll stop there.

About one year later, I maneuvered for this person to move in with her father. She did not help him, ran up bills and started bringing her thug boyfriend into her father's home against his permission.  The father did the right thing and kicked her out after repeat warnings.    When she moved out, she left the father's place in a filthy mess.  So, of course she cannot go back there.

Now this young relative has approached me to help her... yes the same one who has horribly disrespected her mom and dad.  How does one handle this horrible situation?  I thought about this for 24 hours.  I have come up with the solution.

It is important to be compassionate. Help can be given in many ways.  Remember, the person made bad decisions that led to this point in time.

1. I am going to "loan" the money.  I probably will never get repaid.
But, remember, sometimes you have to look at a loan as a way to "pay-off" a person from ever approaching again.  But, there will be promissory letters signed.  I just completed the letter.

2. This person is NOT going to move into my home.
The mom left my place dilapidated and the young adult disrespected her dad's rules when she stayed with him.  So, that pattern is established.  What could I expect???

3. I am providing life directions.
Yesterday, I drove to some housing units and picked up applications for special housings. Office managers were very helpful.
I spent about 3 hours with online searches for women's shelters.  This is a challenge as women have to be protected and this information is not published.
I went to Kinko's last night to photocopy documents I prepared.
I just finished a full life pack to discuss and give her.

In conclusion, I have had enough!  No more loans and no moving into my home.  I have done enough!  However, I am compassionate.  I spent all day, evening and night preparing life instructions.  Hopefully this will be the directions in life that will be received.

2013 - What Is Up?

2013 has been awful. Did not see such horrible events coming.
In March, Jarrell signed out of a group home with a behavioral health unit.  He went homeless that night and took an overdose of lithium.  He was hospitalized, then transferred to a psych hospital. The group home would not take him back, so I accepted him into my care.

He moved back home in May (the same day I started my new job). It was bumpy. But over time things settled.  Things seemed to be really calm by July.  I was patient and pretty happy.  I even told family and friends how well things were at home, nice and peaceful.

Jarrell wanted his own place with support.  His case manager was working on this, but Jarrell's recent history of anger and aggression made him a difficult placement. His temper was getting worse.  I took him on an interview for a day program, every time I contributed to the interview, he would go into a major rant.  Needless to say, he was not accept.

I took him for his MD appointment (new appointment).  He asked the clerk where was the bathroom; I pointed it out... he went into a rant again!

Regardless of his rants, they were not major issues.  My home was peaceful.  He has his own huge room in the back, computer, radio, DVD, cable tv and air-conditioning.  The room is junky, he is a hoarder.  The room is outright filthy.  When he leaves out, I make the bed so there is some decency.

Lately he has been asking more about his own place. But as usual, I told him it will take time for his case manager to locate.  In the meantime, I made sure he enjoyed my home.. I made muffins every morning, kept him with his Powerades, Crystal Light, and Diet Mountain Dew.  I made sure he had a good meal prepared at 3am, before I would leave for work. I'm talking chili, pork chops, casseroles, pasta, pizza and fancy salads.  He had his privacy.  I leave out at 5:15am and back home by 5:15pm. I limited conversations to keep him from going "off".  I often got bitter nasty emails from him, I only replied... "Noted"

Jarrell saw his therapist every week and his psychiatrist every month. He had a Ventra card and got allowance every single week.   All the right things were being done to keep Jarrell happy. 

On the night of October 1st, I was sleeping on the couch, woke up startled, being sprayed in the face, I screamed as Jarrell hit me with a 5 pound weight.  He ran out the house, came back and called the police.

That was the end of Jarrell.

The paramedics arrived, police were very nice, and took him to the hospital.

After a few days, he was transferred to a psych unit.

I went to visit Jarrell, he cursed me out horribly and I left promptly. He said all of this was my fault because I did not move things fast for him to get placement.

Later, he met with his social worker, threw a chair which hit her.

He was moved to a different unit.

Jarrell's case manager is working to have him placed in a State Operated Facility.

I saw Jarrell yesterday.  He looks like a walking zombie.  He still cursed me out as I left.

No one in my family knows any of this...unless Jarrell told them.

If they ask, I will inform them.  But I will not demonize him in the process.

He needs a restricted environment.

I am glad that he lived with me for the past 5 months.  It was a good life.  But he hated it.  He has got to be totally crazy.

I know he is totally crazy.  He lived in a nice group home.  They even gave Jarrell his own apartment.  Nevertheless, he did not get along with staff.  His hospitalizations increased, more police calls from property damage.  To show how crazy Jarrell was, he would leave his apartment to pick a fight with the building staff.  A kind older gentleman.

Jarrell had 12 years of wonderful independence.  Always with his own bedroom or apartment.  The last 5 months were the best on this earth for him. 

Again, I am glad he lived with me for these last 5 months.  He hated it.  No one on this earth would have it that good.  He had his chance.  He showed his mental state which is not good at all.

A Long Awaited Turning Point

I did not see this coming.  This was not a "Janet's Plan".  But, 2013 has been a profound year; September has been a profound month; the week of September 22 major and September 27th was a long awaited day.

Without a lot of unnecessary background information, I am now at long last semi-retired!

I really never planned to outright retire as I enjoy the hustle of working.  Some major family life events took place early this year, my home-life has been readjusted and it is good.  I have been in search of the ideal employer for a very long time.  Such a creature does not exist.  No more searching for me.

I am now semi-retired, working ONLY part-time with NO take home work.  I am carefully scheduling my work periods.

• I am now on my own schedule. 

• I have more time to take care of my home and son.  No competition with a full time job.

• I now have more time to spend in church and doing church work. My life long church- First Immanuel Lutheran Church has welcomed and been so receptive of this little busy body.  They have given me the freedom to engage in many activities and roles.  First Immanuel Lutheran Church has been with me and filled a major void in my life ever since my best buddy- my beloved mother past away.  The ministry of First Immanuel Lutheran Church is my mission.

• I am also going to spend more time with my sister. I got time for her again.  I really enjoy the "Girlie Times" that me, Janine and Ms. Beans spend together on occasional afternoons.

• I am also ready to take care of me again!  Back to the fitness center!!  Attention recent weight gain... You are sooooo out of here!!!

So on this early Saturday morning as I am sipping on the best cup of coffee ever... I am also taking a deep breath and exhaling!  Ahhhhhhh.... this feels good!    Hello sunshine!

Patterns of "Friendship" BEWARE!

This morning my wonderful cousin posted a very significant photo-link on Facebook.  I have added it to this blog as a photo.  I need to discuss the message much further in this blog because I know exactly what the problem is and it is more that what the photo states.

Folks have to be cognizant of how they form relationships. Certain dependent and toxic patterns must be stopped early. Once we recognize the formation of toxic relationship patterns, if we do not stop it, then we become enablers.

Here are some examples of dependent and toxic relationship patterns you may have encountered: 

•  when a classmate ONLY makes contact at test time; 

• a co-worker who ONLY makes contact when stressed out at the workplace; 

• a relative who makes contact ONLY when money is needed; 

•  a colleague who you NEVER EVER heard from until a reference is needed. 

Just note how foolishly dependent folks are who start those toxic patterns. When you experience these problems, you must stop it and discontinue communications. 

These functionally disabled/dependent folks need to LEARN how to make contact when things are going well. It is easy!!!!

• Why not meet up for coffee?

• Why not "do lunch" or "do dinner"?

• Why not invite the person over for a quick meal and chat?

Probably requires too much effort... Hence that is why the relationship is T-O-X-I-C!

You will further need to put up those bricks that are forming that wall as shown in the picture below.

Most Employers are Resilient and Don't You Forget It!

Yes, most employers are resilient, not all of them but most of them.  This means that YOU, the worker is dispensable.  YOU CAN BE REPLACED, the workplace will adjust and do even better without you!

This week, I witnessed a worker get fired.  The worker had excellent skills for the job, had many years of tenure, but seemed to have started to with quality of work.  May have started to take the employer for granted.  But the organization has been very patient, carefully monitored the performance from many perspectives and promptly fired the stated worker this week. 

This coming week, adjustments will be made and the organization will be better than ever!  This is the resilient nature of the workplace.

In my career, I have NEVER witnessed the resiliency of past employers.  When I left or was moved from a unit, I have seen:

• My past work be maintained for 10 years or more because workers have been incompetent and did not have a clue, desire or drive to update my outdated work.

• Projects that I developed remained untouched but continued implementation until a re-accreditation approached.

• Projects that I developed deteriorated horribly.

• Co-workers left or were released because they could not continue the "project" that I implemented.

After all of my years of working, it has not been until 2013, that I witnessed resiliency in the workplace following release of a worker with good skills.  I think that HR has finally actualized strategies that promote resiliency.  FINALLY!!!

So, now that this day has arrived, my advice is... watch yourself!  You can and will be replaced!  The new employer now knows how to strategies and rebound effectively after releasing workers with excellent occupational skills.

Today's worker must have the skills, talent, attitude and drive to be effective.  If any element in that equation is compromised just remember that today... YOU CAN BE REPLACED!!